


Back in the Day

by pokeyspot



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Humor, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Slash, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-14
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-29 10:36:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1004392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pokeyspot/pseuds/pokeyspot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year was going just fine for the Marauders, until Harry Potter crashed landed in the Great Hall. No one expected the havoc the teen would wreak whilst there, there really is no such thing as a 'typical year at Hogwarts' in any decade. Typical ne? And yet... will contain Crazy!Harry, Darry, time travel, SiriRem, bad pick up lines, abuse of Mrs. Norris, and anything else I come up with... CRACKFIC</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character thereof. I am not making any money from this story.
> 
> Warnings: Crackfic, homosexual relationships, past child abuse, confusion guaranteed, OOCness (explained in a later chapter!) 
> 
> Originally posted to Fanfiction.net under the same penname and title.  
> Editing, and posting here beginning 10/14/13

The Great Hall was bustling term was just beginning, and as much as the students dreaded classes they were happy to see friends again.

Suddenly all chatter was cut off as a loud THUD echoed through the room. Children stood up on tables trying to get a look at what caused the sound only to see a boy looking around frantically, holding his wand at the ready. Emerald eyes flashed from person to person quick as thought and more haunting than memory. Each person those landed on shivered and sighed in relief as they were released from that gaze.

"Finite Incantium!" the teen yelled as a wave of power hit the people around him, the only thing it accomplished was to show up a few love bites that were hidden by glamour. Similar effects happened on the boy scars were visible on his face at the corner of one eye on the line of his jaw and a strange looking one on his forehead.

The boy blinked.

"Well crap that didn't work. Clever, but not clever enough. When I get my hands on you Riddle you'll wish you'd never been born!" His voice trailed off "After I get out of this illusion of course."

Dumbledore stood up at the staff table "Dear Guest, there's no need for alarm. Please do sit down."

The boy glared at the ceiling "Low blow Tommy boy. Low blow. Who are you going to use against me next? My friends? My godfather? My lover? Bring it on!"

At this point there were only a few options available to release the tension in the room. It started with one little titter from a first year Hufflepuff. Soon the entire student body was laughing in horror and amusement.

The boy just kept looking around warily

"My dear boy," The boy flinched at the phrase "this isn't an illusion, I don't know how you got through our wards but please come to my office you seem out of sorts."

The boy glared up at him "My name is Harry, and illusion or not do not call me 'my dear boy'. As an illusion why would you think yourself anything but real?"

Albus stroked his beard thoughtfully "True, true. You could be my illusion. Now pip pip up to my office."

Harry looked at him and grinned "Well Riddle got the crazy part down, I'll give the bastard that."

Some of the Slytherins laughed at the brass the boy had. Lucius Malfoy looked at the boy with interest.

Harry strode up to Dumbedore "Even if you're fake, it's good to see you again sir."

Now everyone was confused, even Dumbledore. He'd never seen this boy before in his life, though he does bear a striking resemblance to James Potter. He continued to examine the boy until Harry shifted "The office professor?"

"Quite right." Dumbledore gestured in the proper direction but Harry was already walking as if he knew where to go. That warranted later thought for Albus.

 

...

...

 

"Now Harry, I understand you think this is an illusion. You won't believe me saying otherwise so we'll just leave that for a bit. I'm afraid I have something more important to ask you. You mentioned a 'Riddle' and 'Tommy-boy' who were you talking about?"

_Are you a Death Eater?_

Harry leaned back in his chair and gave the old man a square look "Tom Marvolo Riddle, Voldemort's given name. I refuse to call the snakey-bastard anything but that."

Albus sat back with a blink, so few knew Lord Voldemort's real name, and this boy comes prancing in without fear and announces it.

"Very few people give credence to the rise of Lord Voldemort."

"Uh-huh well Tommy boy's tried to off me a few times so I think I believe." Harry said dryly 

"What would he want with a child?"

The boy started to get hysterical "You… you're actually questioning his motives? He's a murdering nutter. End of story. Now why he threw me into an illusion is beyond me. That is an interesting question…. Probably has the same answer though."

"Well regardless, would you please roll up your left sleeve for me Harry?"

Harry raised an eyebrow at him and brushed aside his fringe to show a lightningbolt shaped scar. "Any more questions?"

"….. Yes….. The sleeve….. and what does a scar have to do with anything?"

Harry blinked "What does a scar have to do with it?" Harry slapped himself "Bloody hell." It hurt, it wasn't an illusion.

Harry rolled up his sleeve in a daze, it was free of the Dark Mark.

"You don't know what my scar means, so you're not my Dumbledore. Where the hell am I?"

"My dear – No you don't like that. Mr. ?"

"Lets just stick with Harry until I know where I am."

Dumbledore nodded magnanimously "Very well. Harry, we are at Hogwarts, the year is 1978."

Harry stared at him, blinking as if the image would change.

"…. Well crap."

 

...

...

 

"Who are you Harry?"

"My name is Harry Potter, I live in the year 1998 I vanished during … a very critical point in history."

"Potter? James' son?"

Harry nodded

"From the way you spoke it as if we are still at war."

"I refuse to divulge anything that may hurt the people I love, changing the future is included in that."

"… I understand Harry. Until we can find a way back we'll house you and you will attend classes. I must impress upon you the importance of keeping that mindset, though I would like to get to know you better."

Harry grinned sheepishly "I'd like that sir. Should we get back to dinner?"

"But of course!"

"Then you'll forgive me when I make a scene?"

 

...

...

 

"Alright everybody left arm out sleeve rolled up!" Harry hollered immediately as he walked back into the room.

Everyone blinked at him one Slytherin dared ask "And why should we do that?"

"Because the wand-waving powerful crazy bloke from earlier told you to?"

"….. Touché."

"Harry please do sit and stop making a fuss." Dumbldore sighed and muttered something about 'so this is what you meant by scene.'

"But-!"

"No."

Harry scowled and turned towards the man "Fine fine I'll play nice, now where do you want me?"

"You'll be sorted to find out."

Harry sighed and walked over to where the little stool still sat. His legs were far too long for it and he looked comical slumped as he was on it.

From the Gryffindor table Remus Lupin elbowed Sirius Black to shut up the boy's laughter. James was too busy choking on his biscuit to do anything else. The weird kid looked a lot like him, and his father.

" _Mr. Potter, how unusual. A time traveler in this day and age. You're equally suited for Gryffindor or Slytherin."_

" _Gryffindor please, that side always takes over anyway. Changing in rather than planning like I should."_

"GRYFFINDOR!"

An unsure cheer rose up from the table in question.

"Well looks like he's ours Prongs." Sirius said with a smirk

"Looks like he is." James said watching the boy advance towards the upper classmen.

"Won't mind if I test your lookalike do you Jamsey?"

James shrugged for once ignoring the mutt.

The boy locked eyes with him, with a look of astonishment at their similarities.

"Cor, this is a weird day. Harry Westover, nice to meet you." Harry held out a hand to shake

"James Potter." James said with a cocksure smile, he nodded to each of his friends "Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettrigrew."

"Have some pumpkin juice Westover." Sirius held out a flagon

Harry sat down and waved his wand over it absently smiling at Sirius when a red light flashed.

"Drugged pumpkin juice really? That's the best prank you can come up with?"

"At short notice." Sirius shrugged a little miffed that his utterly brilliant plan had been foiled, but the boy just grinned wickedly at the indifference in Sirius's voice

"And what's wrong with the classic whoopee cushion when I sit down?" Harry asked in a faux-offended voice

Sirius grinned back at him "Didn't know where you would sit."

"Remind me to change seats with every meal now that I've suggested that."

Remus barked out a laugh "I like him."

Sirius smirked "So do I."

"He'll do." James said leaning back and ruffling his hair

"Whatever James says." Peter said mid-bite

"Shut up Peter." All three said.

Harry looked silently at the rat-like youth for a moment before turning away dismissively.

"So what year are you in?" Harry asked his father and best friends

"7th."

"Same as me, I lock my bedroom curtains at night so don't even try it."

Sirius pouted and James laughed, looks like the new kid was more like him than just looks.

 

...

...

 

Harry was pelted with questions which he duly ignored, or answered with as much truth as possible.

"What year are you?"

"7th."

"What was with you crashing into the great hall?"

"Gravity is a bitch."

"Are you any good at Quidditch?"

"I'm a fair seeker."

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"I have a lover, sorry ladies I'm taken."

"Why did you want everyone to roll up their sleeves?"

"To see if they had any lame tattoos."

"Who's "Riddle"?"

"A bastard I thought was tricking me again."

"Why do you look like Potter?"

"Because my mamma prayed I'd be handsome?"

On and on until Harry was glad it was time to head up to the tower. To a bed. A real bed. Those dream worthy sheets, and fluffy pillows. And the mattress, he almost drooled at the thought of a real mattress. Unfortunately he was accosted by a fiery red head before he got there.

"Bed!" he cried out as he was pulled in the opposite direction

"I'm Lily, Lily Evans." The girl told him once he had stopped sobbing for his fluffy dream

"Nice to meet you Miss Evans. I'm Harry Westover."

"A muggleborn like me." She smiled and he face turned pretty in the firelight, at least no longer a force-of-nature scary.

"Yeah." Harry scratched the back of his neck.

"Well then let me tell you some about Hogwarts so you're not blindsided tomorrow."

"You're nice." Harry smiled at the simple revelation about his mother

Lily blushed "Thank you. I just thought it would be the decent thing to do as Head Girl."

"And honest." Harry beamed

Lily blushed harder "Now talk about honest! Most boys wouldn't say things like that if you paid them."

"I'm not 'most boys' Miss Evans. That aside you were saying?" Harry said trying to deter her line of thought.

"Oh right! Well some people don't like muggleborns here, I don't know how it was at your old school, but that's how it is here. Now the professors are pretty good about it, but just watch you back yeah?"

"Aye aye captain!" Harry saluted her making the girl laugh

"I hope to get to know you better Westover."

"Harry, just Harry." Harry grinned "and I hope so too."

"Then you can call me Lily."

"Well then, Lily I'm going to go up to bed."

"But it's so early! I thought you were joking."

"Nope, my bed is a callin' me. I hope you sleep well Lily."

"You too Harry."

 

...

...

 

"I don't think I like him anymore." James announced as he walked into the dorm.

"You're just sore he got Lily to laugh." Remus said tiredly still paying attention to the book in his hands as they walked

"Damn right I am! She blushed man" James gripped Remus' collar and shook him "She BLUSHED!"

"I don't think you have to worry about him." Remus said lightly

"Why?" James demanded quietly

"Because I'm gay." Harry walked past them "And taken." He bellyflopped onto his bed with a contented sigh.

Sirius and Remus exchanged knowing looks as James stared

"Really?" James asked hopefully

"You know that is the best reaction I've gotten so far with that bit of news." Harry said absently as he petted a pillow in all it's comfy goodness "And yes really."

"Wicked! Then wait, if the reaction you got was so bad why'd you tell us?"

"One, I don't want to hide that part of me again. Two, You'd have killed me in my sleep. Speaking of which sleep sounds sinfully good."

"Was other people's reactions so bad?" Remus asked quietly

"For some people no, just teasing. By the way, call me a pouf and I'll punch your lights out. Other people, broken pottery, screeching, name calling, attempted murder, crying, gossip, being slapped in the face. Not in that order."

"That was one person?"

"My best friend's sister. She thought we would fall madly in love and get married." Harry muttered into his blanket, his warm soft blanket

"Sorry mate." Sirius muttered

"No worries yeah? Now for the love of god someone please let me get to sleep!"

"In your clothes?"

Harry grabbed his wand and muttered something removing his clothes, save his pants.

"Westover are you alright? What's up with all those scars?" James asked with a worried frown, for all he'd known the kid for less than a day he seemed like a decent bloke.

Harry sat up furiously "There is something wrong with you people! Sleep is a holy holy thi- scars? What scars?"

Harry then looked down and saw his body as he always had before he applied glamours each morning. Criss-crossed with white and red lines.

"Well crap it is seriously not my day." He muttered another spell and his curtains closed and locked.

The boys looked at each other, they knew enough about secrets to keep their mouths shut for now.


	2. Love Me Not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character thereof. I am not making any money from this story.

Harry woke up early and looked at his bed hangings. _Home_. Then he remembered it wasn't quite home.…. But it did have showers… with real hot water. It was like a fucking wonderland after living in a tent! He almost ran to the showers melting as the hot water hit his body. He actually moaned; it was almost as good as sex. Almost…. No it wasn't really. But it was bloody good!

He just stood there until the hot water ran out. Then Harry told the shower he loved it and bid it adieu. He sniffed yesterday's clothes. They didn't smell that bad, they had passed the patented Sniff Test so he climbed into them. Now there was only one thing left to do.

Harry crept towards James' bed pulled back the shockingly unguarded curtains and jumped on the mattress.

"Good morning." Harry grinned as he sat cross legged at the end of the bed.

"Wha-"

"So about yesterday. I want to tell you something?"

"Westover? You have got to be kidding." James blinked blearily at the demon spawn from hell.

"Hey, you mess with my sleep I mess with yours. Now as I was saying. I help you, you don't ask me too many questions. Deal?"

"Help me how?"

"With Lily. It's called Gay Best Friend Syndrome. They tell you everything, even when you really don't want to know. Then I tell you things to help you not be such a prick around her."

"Hey I'm not a prick!"

"Then don't act like one!" Harry snapped back

James glared at him then blinked seeming to come more awake "You're serious about the help?"

"Yes, but don't expect quick results."

"Wicked." James yawned "Can I go back to sleep now?"

"Sure, sure."

 

...

...

 

Harry stumbled down to the great hall intent on some coffee. It was part of his religion, his holy trinity if you will. Sleep, Coffee, Sex. God bless them all.

He spied a familiar mop of blonde hair slumped over his coffee like usual.

"Morning." Harry said sitting blindly down next to blonde, he leaned over to get his goodmorning kiss.

And saw Lucius Malfoy staring at him.

"…. Well it looks like today's not my day either." Harry poured coffee for himself, priorities in check.

"Now I wouldn't say that." Lucius leered

"Well I am." Harry sipped his coffee, mmmmmm coffeee

"You come here often?"

"Until I saw you here. Begone! I'm enjoying my coffee."

"They call me 'Coffee' I grind so fine." Lucius leaned forward

"…" Harry burst out laughing "Good god man, does anyone actually fall for that?"

"Yes. It's not my fault I fell in love, you tripped me."

"Then keep on falling sweetheart, because you sure are trippin' on something. How much did you take?"

"Talk about falling, are you lost because heaven is a long fall from here."

"You're right I better get going." Harry stood up with his precious coffee still in hand.

"Hey aren't you forgetting something?" Lucius called out to him

"What?" Harry sighed

"Me." Lucius smirked

"Sorry I don't take in strays. It has been … enlightening Lucius, but I'm not interested."

Harry sat down at the Gryffindor table inhaling his coffee and resting his head on the table.

 

...

...

 

James, Sirius, and Remus walked into the great hall having left Peter sleeping. They saw their new recruit sleeping with his head on the table coffee in hand. That was not the strange thing. It was the Slytherin sitting next to him.

"Westover? Harry?" Remus asked shaking the boy's shoulder

Harry snapped awake and saw Lucius

"Oh Merlin, won't you go away?" Harry rubbed his eyes under his glasses.

"No. I only have three months to live."

"If you keep annoying me I can make that time shorter."

Remus leaned back on one heel. Was Lucius Malfoy ice prince of slytherin hitting on the new kid?

"Look, Lucius, I'm seriously not interested."

"Then why did you try to kiss me?" Lucius challenged with a smirk

The boys looked at the new kid with wide eyes. He moves fast.

"Because one, I was lost in post shower bliss. Two you looked like my boyfriend before he wakes up."

"And you remind me of my next conquest."

"Well good luck with that, now leave me be."

"Come on Harry." Lucius reached out and put a hand on Harry's arm

"Don't. Touch. Me." Harry glared his eyes once again turning threatening as they were when he first arrived.

Lucius removed his hand hastily "Until next time Harry."

"Not bloody likely."

 

...

...

 

"That was weird." James said with great ceremony

Harry laughed "You have no idea how weird that was."

"Well it was kind of freaking me out having him here at all." Sirius said scoruigifying the seat before sitting down. "Bloody Slytherins scum the lot of them"

"Not all of them." Harry looked at him quietly

 

...

...

 

"Snape! Hey Snape!"

The dark haired boy turned sharply at the sound of someone calling his name. Someone not Lily. He saw the Potter-Copy walking towards him. Hell. No. Snape quickly walked in the other direction only to have an arm settle around his shoulders. The Potter-Copy was fast, Severus would give him that. And yet homicide sounded very tempting at this moment.

"I know we haven't been properly introduced so I'm Harry Westover, nice to meet you." Severus' new appendage spoke blithely ignoring the Death Glare aimed at him.

"I don't want to know you." Snape ground out

"Well too bad!" The Gryffindor caroled "I'd like to be your friend. Seriously." He added in a more subdued tone

"Haha very funny. Joke over you can leave now." Severus hissed

The other boy stopped dragging Snape to a halt beside him. Harry turned the boy to face him and looked deep into his eyes.

"You're not a bad bloke… I really do want to be friends. Think of it as paying off a life debt in a previous incarnation."

Those green eyes were deadly serious as if he really did owe a perfect stranger a life debt… Snape hesitated. There was power behind those eyes and yet….

Snape brought out his wand quickly and cast a hex.

The new boy sprouted tentacles on his face.

"The joke is dead and rotting… leave me alone Potter No. 2."

Behind the tentacles the boy smiled as the other walked away. He was making progress!

 

...

...

 

"Why were you talking to Snivellus?" Sirius demanded upon his return, now tentacle free.

"Felt like it. And his name is Severus Snape." Westover shrugged

"Why bother with Snivellus?" James interrupted

"Why bother messing with him if he's your intended girlfriend's best friend? Not the best plan in the book."

"What do you know, you've been here what a day?"

"Not even." Harry grinned at the irate boy "And yet despite the fact I have no romantic interest in her  _whatsoever_ , I have gotten farther with Lily than you have in seven years."

"Shut it!" James growled and hexed the boy

Harry just sighed and muttered the counter-curse "Tentacles again?" he asked the ceiling quietly.

Remus looked at James with a frown "Mate I've been trying to tell you that for years. If Westover can see it in a day, it might be worth listening to."

"Urg this is making me sick, talking about being decent to  _Snape_  of all people." Siruis groaned

"Just think about it." Harry said and walked off.

The group gasped as they realized where he was heading. Remus felt warmth go through him at the thought of a kindered spirit among the mob of heathens. The new boy was headed towards the library.

 

...

...

 

"Lily this has been a strange day." Severus said resting his head on a pile of books in the quiet of the library.

"How so?" She said looking through an advanced Charms text.

"This boy walked up to me, put his arm around me and said he wanted to be friends. Then Lucius shows up wanting to take my head off for touching the boy, however involuntary, and demanding to know if the boy said anything about him. He corrupted Malfoy!" By this time he was whisper-shouting and gesturing wildly with his hands

"Oh you mean Harry?" Lily looked up from her book with a slight blush

"Yes I mean- oh Merlin he got to you too!" Snape stared at her wide eyed.

"He's a very nice boy once you get past how strange he is." Lily defended

"How strange who is?" Asked a voice followed by a body plopping into the one empty chair at the table situated between the pair.

Harry grinned at them both and brought out his books.

"You're not invited Potter No. 2!" Snape hissed

"Nice to see you to Sev." Harry grinned while Snape spluttered at the nickname

Lily just giggled "What are you doing here Harry I figured you would be with the merry band of idiots."

"I tried to convince James he would get no where with you, even though I know you like him, if he was mean to Sev. And I ended up with tentacles on my face for the second time today."

"You… I don't like …. How?" She spluttered

Snape meanwhile was angsting over the fact that he and Potter hand used the same spell to shut the new boy up.

"Well you like me and you blush when you see my face. My face looks like his so using the transitive property you like his face. That's a step towards liking him in general. Beyond that I just guessed."

Both occupants of the table stared at him.

The silence stretched

"But –"

Harry shook his head "Don't bother with the "I don't like him" stuff. "

"Well what if I just started liking you?" Lily challenged her face still flushed from embarrassment

"Then we'd have a problem. I'm gay."

"Why do all the good ones have to be gay?" Lily grumbled **.**

"No idea." Harry grinned "Thanks for the compliment, but think about James. He's not always such a prat, he just acts like one to try and impress you."

"James Potter is a muck sucking troglodyte." Severus said firmly

"Nah he's just an idiot. I'm trying to get him to lay off Sev, I really am."

"I don't need your pity!" Snape hissed

"I'm not giving you any." Harry growled his eyes turning dangerous once again. Hard green emeralds surveyed Snape coldly. Snape bit back the unmanly shriek at that look. He lifted his chin bravely and met look for look.

"See you don't need my pity." Harry said his voice sounding different than before, heavier like carrying a burden. His face was dead serious. "If you can see me for what I am and not shrink back you don't need anyone pitying you. Having someone fight for you is different than pity. It is friendship, trust, and loyalty. From what I've seen you deserve that."

Snape nodded sharply as he was finally released by that gaze. Lily let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding.

The pressure in the room returned to normal. Harry grinned once more seeming like just any other boy. "So can I join your study group?"

This time Snape nodded warily, it could be interesting after all getting to know this strange person. Lily just smiled at her friend making new friends, even odd ones.

 

...

...

 

It had been a week and the study groups continued until Snape began to accept his fate at being called Sev, and started calling Harry 'Westover' instead of 'Potter No. 2'. Other changes occurred as well. James and co. never attacked Snape when Harry was around and had stopped calling him Snivillus except when habit made them slip.

It was Friday night again and Remus was trying to get homework done while Sirius and James were fighting in the corner of the room. Harry sat with Remus revising.

"Fine!" James yelled and stamped out

"Do I even want to know?" Harry asked Remus quietly looking up from his parchment

"I don't." Remus shrugged

"Agreed."

The silence descended until Sirius got bored doing… whatever it was, and walked over. He slumped against Remus' shoulder.

"Moony! I'm bored." Siruis declared grumpily trying to get Remus' attention.

"Then study." Remus answered not even looking up, quelling the desire to do just so… just to look on his crush's face.

"Urgh." Harry groaned loudly putting down his text. He glared at both of them playfully "Remus, you like Sirius. Sirius you like Remus. Kiss already."

Maybe it wasn't tactful but living in the same dorm with so much UST was driving Harry crazy… Crazier.

They stared at him jaws hanging, eyes bulging.

"I –"

"How-"

"No." Harry shook his head covering his ears "I don't want to hear any denials, or 'how did you knows'. You're leaving Hogwarts at the end of the year, don't you want this settled before you do that?"

They stared at him pale and waiting for something.

Remus took a deep breath gathering all his lupine courage "It's true." He mumbled looking at the carpet.

"… Why didn't you say anything?" Sirius asked quietly

"Because you're always chasing some bint in a skirt." Remus glared at the carpet as old jealously flared up.

"That's because I couldn't have what I wanted." Siruis whispered looked at his hands which were making intricate shapes in his nervousness

"What?" Remus looked up at his friend with a slight glimmer of hope in his eyes "What did you want?"

Sirius' voice got even softer "..ou."

"I couldn't hear that." Remus pointed out

"You." Sirius glanced up and saw a look on his friend's face he had never seen before, pure joy.

Harry sighed in satisfaction and gathered up his work, leaving the new sweethearts alone for a while. They deserved it. He always knew they had some feelings for one another… surely it wouldn't hurt the timeline if he gave them a chance in this life, they had died so young in his timeline. They should have each other.

 

...

...

 

A month after Harry's arrival the love bug seemed intent on infecting everyone in Hogwarts. Sadly this included Lucius Malfoy. "Go out with me." He demanded of Harry.

"No." Harry didn't even look up from his book, he was in the library surrounded by Lily and Snape. They stared at the display in horror, the end of the world was coming surely.

"Why not? There's no need to be shy… I already told people you're my boyfriend. They're okay with it."

Harry looked up from his book and locked eyes with Lucius, who mentally did a victory dance finally he got the boy's attention "You what?" Harry growled and stood up.

"I told everyone." Lucius smirked "That this ass is mine." He slapped Harry on the ass smartly.

Suddenly a strong hand gripped his wrist and he was looking at death, oh god he loved those green eyes! So expressive.

"I have a lover. Don't touch me." Harry growled

Sensing that Harry's rage was more dangerous than their own, Severus and Lily stood up wands trained on the blonde Slytherin. Before anyone could move a THUMP shattered the tense silence. Madame Pince stood over Lucius Malfoy holding a Big Book of Doom. She glared at the sprawled figure.

"Get out of my library! You're disturbing the peace!"

Naturally the story was all over the school in a matter of minutes. The charming side-effect was if they wanted Lucius to shut up all they had to do was reach for a book and the boy flinched. James Potter had been planning to go to the library and ask Lily out for the 456th time but reconsidered. He waited until they were in the commonroom.

Harry had told him some interesting things, namely that Lily valued honesty and straightforward dealings rather than showy displays of affection.

"Lily." James said quietly walking up to her, she tensed, this was different. "I really like you, will you please give me a chance?"

Lily looked at James and weighed her options, he had been almost friendly with Sev, yes the nickname had spread, and had calmed down considerably since Harry showed up.  _Maybe…_

"I'll give you one chance, don't blow it." She growled fighting down a blush as she looked at James' starstruck happy face.

…  _it was worth a shot._


	3. Falling Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character thereof. I am not making any money from writing this.

Everyone was just sitting down to dinner, Lily and James were looking at each other with doe eyes, Remus and Sirius held hands discreetly under the table, and Harry was avoiding the leer sent across from Lucius Malfoy. Though his eye twitched from the effort from time to time.

THUD

"Bloody hell that hurt."

The students looked at each other:  _Another one?_  They clustered around the source of the sound.

"POTTER GET YOU ASS OVER HERE BEFORE I START HEXING THESE IMBICILES!" a pale blonde boy demanded at the top of his voice.

James glared at the uppidy voice but stood determined to stop the voice from hexing innocents, Harry started and ran over to the cluster to everyone's astonishment

"Malfoy, you prick!" He jumped on the blonde boy "You can't believe how good it is to see you!"

The boys hugged fiercely, Harry Westover and this 'Malfoy'.

"Potter?" James interrupted quietly his eyes re-examining his friend.

Harry got off of Draco and whacked the boy up the side of the head. "You ruined my brilliant disguise!"

"Brilliant disguise you're obviously a Potter and-" Malfoy trailed off looking at James "Is that…."

"Yep."

"…. We need to talk."

"If talk you mean me knocking the stuffing out of you yeah." Harry dragged Malfoy by the arm out of the great hall at a run.

"See you later everybody!" He called over his shoulder.

James and co. stared at each other in shock before racing after them, Lucius hard on their heels. When they rounded the corner though the boys were gone.

James pulled out a spare bit of parchment. "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good."

 

...

...

 

"The year is 1978." Harry panted between kisses "Are you alright?" Harry attacked Draco's neck.

Draco moaned "I'm fine, get back here." He grabbed Harry by the hair and dragged him back to his lips.

They broke gasping for breath, just holding each other forehead to forehead.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

A wolf whistle broke their peaceful moment. Draco and Harry looked towards the door to see the maruders standing there awkwardly, Lily apparently having been dragged by the hand, and bringing Sev down with her. Sirius was grinning at them. They still didn't let go of each other.

"Don't let me interrupt." He winked at them

"No no you're going to answer my question!" James blustered walking towards them "What did he mean 'Potter'"

"You mean they really didn't figure it out?" Draco murmured.

"My name is Harry Potter," Harry made a quick decision "Harry James Potter actually."

"And that means you're my…." James turned a strange shade of puce

"Son." Harry answered helpfully

"And your mother?" James asked weakly

"Dangerous question to ask with your girlfriend next to you. In answer look at my eyes, I've often been told I have my mother's eyes."

James looked at him and brightened "Lily!" He spun around and picked her up "He has your eyes, our kid has your eyes!"

"Wha- What James! Put. Me. Down!" Lilly smacked his shoulder

"Now I know where you get that charming little quirk from." Draco muttered to Harry aside. Harry just smacked his shoulder in reply.

"Get away from my boyfriend!" Someone yelled in the doorway, Lucius came striding in with purpose.

"WHAT?"

"For the" Harry thought for a moment "29th time Lucius I'm not your boyfriend, you are my stalker."

"Somebody explain. Now." Draco ground out holding his wand

"Well Lucius here has been after Harry since he got here, even tried slapping his ass." Sirius put in helpfully

"No Draco!" Harry yelled

Draco was already pulling away from Harry, murder in his eyes. "He is dead."

"You can't kill him, you'll never be born!" Harry pulled on his wand arm

"This is an alternate reality, the Dark Lord sent you to another world with is dying breath. This is the 'other world' so I  _can_  kill him."

Harry let go of Draco in his astonishment. Draco flew at his father and punched him soundly in the ear.

 

...

...

 

"Shut up I need to think!"

"A difficult task I know." Muttered Draco who was grumpy being restrained by two Gryffindors.

"Shut it!

Harry sat cross-legged on the cold stones muttering to himself.

"Mum and dad wouldn't die, Sirius wouldn't die…."

"Draco what were the casualties?"

Draco's face looked suddenly older his mouth drawn taught and his eyes hard.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes."

"Hermione Granger. Fred Weasley. George Weasley. Nymphadora Tonks. Colin Creevy. Susan Bones. Justin Finch-Fletchly. Seamus Finnigan. Severus Snape. Fillius Flitwick. Madame Pomphery. Minerva McGonagall."

Snape paled as his name was coolly listed among casualties of … something.

"So we're still alive?" James demanded as Harry seemed to collapse inward.

"No, you've been dead since Harry's first birthday. Black you went to Azkaban for a crime you didn't commit, and got killed two years after you escaped. Lupin you died in a raid shortly after." Draco patiently explained.

"Oi Draco?" Harry called out in a sing-song voice.

"I don't like that grin Potter." Draco grimaced

"How do you feel about saving a bunch of people?"

"No. Not again! One of these days I'm going to hex that hero complex right out of you."

"Alright! I'm off to kill a basilisk." Harry stood up ignoring Draco's last statement.

"Not without me you're not." Draco grumped

"To the Chamber of Secrets then!"

"The Chamber of Secrets…." Lily whispered "That's dangerous Harry." She was deeply worried for her friend, son, whatever.

"Sword first little Lion." Draco put a hand to his forehead as if he had a headache "Gryffindors charging in without a sword, Merlin help me."

Snape sent him a shockingly sympathetic look, but a few weeks around Harry would do that to anyone. Harry made an  _Impact_  on whoever he met.

"Erm… Right. Sword first." Harry blushed then started running. The rest of the group hot on his heels minus Lucius who was still dazed on the floor.

 

...

...

 

Harry burst into Dumbledore's office "Professor, I need to borrow your hat!"

"….What?"

"The Hat, the Sorting Hat." Harry yelled impatiently over his shoulder as he knocked over various shiny objects in his Quest for the Hat.

"Got you!" Harry pounced on the old thing and slapped it on his head

" _I'm off to do something vaguely suicidal to help friends and scores of people I've never even met."_

" _You are a true Gryffindor… god help you."_ Harry swore he heard the hat laugh at him.

THUNK

The sword of Gryffindor fell out on his head, he rubbed the lump it left resentfully. He held the sword aloft and spoke to the old man "Alright I'm off to kill a basalik, if I don't come back here's a few tips. Horcruxes, yes plural. Huffelpuff's cup, Slytherin's locket, Ravenclaw's diadem that's in the Room of Requirements on the 5th floor by the way, Nagini that creepy snake he keeps with him, his diary from when he was a student last in Lucius Malfoy's possession, and the Marvolo Family ring which is in Little Hangleton do NOT put it on. Oh and use something infused in Basalisk venom or friendfyre. Ta!"

Harry ran out as quickly as he had come, Draco at his heels muttering about 'crazy people armed with pointy objects'.

Professor Dumbledore looked after them with a bemused expression. "I just don't understand young people any more."

 

...

...

 

Harry, Draco, James, Lily, Severus, Remus, and Sirius stood in the girl's lavatory. Lily tapped her foot impatiently.

"Oh who's this? Come to laugh at me?" Moaning Myrtle asked her ghostly arms propped on the toilet seat.

"Oh Myrtle, we're here to avenge you… sort of. Now hush and let me work!" Harry muttered over his shoulder.

Myrtle left the lavatory with a wail of despair, but popped her head back in "You'll really avenge me?"

"Yup, then you can rest in peace or some such." Harry said as he continued counting the sinks.

"Brilliant, I'll see you later….if you die."

"Yes, yes," Harry muttered distractedly "YES! Found it!" He slid his fingers over the small snake engraving "It can only be opened by parseltongue."

"Oh cheers, we found a mythological room and can't open it." Remus muttered

"I can open it. I can speak parseltongue." Harry blushed

"And just how is that my son?" James asked trying to sound older, and failing. Miserably.

"Long story." Harry grinned at him, then whispered in parseltongue "Open."

"Actually it's not, you just don't want to mention you had a chuck o' Voldey in your forehead because it is, as you say, 'creepy'"

"… That too."

Draco sighed, "Now because I'm among a pack of Gryffindors I assume I'm to do the planning?"

"Fraid so darling." Harry said with a cheeky grin

"Don't call me darling, dearest." Draco sneered

"The plan?"

"Well what did you do last time?"

"….. Chucked Lockheart down a hole."

"… That was as far as you planned?"

The rest of the group began to feel a distinct sense of unease.

"Ginny was dying!"

"Don't mention that woman to me!" Draco crossed his arms over his chest.

"She was a little girl then, an innocent  _dying_ " Harry shouted "Little girl. Not a pottery-throwing harpy. And this is sooooo not the time to talk about this!"

"Whatever. What happened next?"

"Saw Riddle, thought he was a friend."

Draco sniggered

"Shut up! I was twelve! Anyhow, Riddle took my wand and monologued for a bloody long time, then I said something like 'Albus Dumbledore is the greatest sorcerer in the world.' Then Flawks came and- "

A burst of flame announced Flawks arrival, landing on Harry's shoulder

"-Wow that must be like a keyword for that bird or something. Anyway, he came and dropped off the sorting hat, then scratched out the Basalisk's eyes, then I kind of ran… then," Harry scratched his head "Then I stabbed the Basilisk."

"You…. Are a complete moron. A lucky moron, but a moron."

Harry slapped Draco's shoulder "Thanks. So who's up for a repeat?"

He turned bright eyes on the aghast Maruders +2.

 

...

...

 

20 Minutes later Draco and Harry emerged from the tunnel covered in grime.

"You didn't mention it would be so filthy."

"Why do you think I threw Lockheart down first?"

The Maruders and co. looked at the two boys as they clamored out of the wall.

"Harry?"

"Yea?" Harry blinked up at Lily Evans

"You're alright?"

"Oi if I could do it when I was 12, this was like breaking the time record."

"…. Did I drop you on your head as a baby?" She asked

"I don't know, maybe."

"It would explain a lot." Draco muttered

 

...

...

 

"So what's next?" Draco drawled as he sat on the floor of the lavatory, a much cleaner floor than the boys' room he mused. Not fair.

"Still feel like scaring the shit out of your father?"

"Oh hell yes." Draco grinned wolfishly frightening even the uninitiated.

 

...

...

 

"Fa~ther!" Draco sang as he strolled towards Lucius who still had not left the room.

He smiled happily as he drop kicked the older Malfoy. Draco pounced on the sprawled figure. "Now do you know where Tom Riddle's diary is?"

Harry smiled and fingered the sword of Gryffindor threateningly.

"I get it, they're both crazy. You should never reproduce James." Sirius muttered

"I'm seeing that Padfoot, I'm seeing that."

Remus and Lily just looked on in horror as Lucius Malfoy started babbling about books. Severus just smirked.

 

...

...

 

"So we have one." Harry said cheerfully as he stabbed the book, it bled ink rather dramatically.

"On to two?" Draco said as he built a fire in the fireplace. He then nudged the demonic book into the fiendfyre just to be safe.

"Wait that one was a fake wasn't it?"

"It was. Sirius is your brother still on this side of the dirt?" Draco asked casually

"Last time I checked." Sirius edged back from the boy who was smiling at him in the most alarming way.

"Then in this world it's still real."

"Anyone feel like spelunking?" When no one answered Harry said "Great! Let me just grab Mrs. Norris."

 

...

...

 

"…Eww. Just eww. Talk about unsanitary, corpses just laying there in wait? And zombies that's so 2005."

"Harry, it's only 1998 in our time line." Draco said as the boat glided across the dark water of the cave.

"I'm predicting the future, just predicting the future. I also see people writing about us."

"I'm in love with a complete nutter."

Severus shouted at Draco from the shore "You just now realized it?"

"Nope, but sometimes it just hits home." Draco sighed wistfully "Oh how strange it would be to live a normal life. Boring too."

"I can hear you, you know." Harry said with an amused glare

"I know." Draco smirked

 

...

...

 

"So that's why you wanted Mrs. Norris. I can't believe that you have just achieved what countless Hogwarts students have been attempting for years!" Sirius cheered and slapped Harry on the shoulder.

"Good show mate." James smiled.

"I can't believe you killed a cat." Lily glared at the assembly of cheering students that had surrounded them once they announced that Mrs. Norris had died. Of natural causes… sure…

Filch ran wailing from the hall about his beloved cat.

"So, housebreaking anyone?"

 

...

...

 

"That was uneventful." Remus sighed in relief

"Does that mean the worst is over?" Lily asked hopefully

As an answer having the two boys leading their adventures collapsing in hysterical laughter, was not comforting in the least.

 

...

...

 

"So you're telling me that it was just laying around in this room full of crap?"

"Pretty much."

"One more down."

"Anyone feel like a little dragon riding?" Harry walked off with a bounce in his step

"He's kidding right?"

"Next thing you know he's going to say we're going to break into Gringotts."

"… Actually that's what we're doing now." Draco informed them.

 

...

...

 

A windblown group set down at Hogwarts once more.

"I can't believe we just broke into Gringotts."

"Would you believe me if I said this isn't the most insane thing he's done?"

"No!" All five of the non-time travelers answered

"Then wait until you see him in action." Draco sighed

 

...

...

 

"Here Voldey Voldey Voldey! Here boy!"

"Harry, the Philosopher's Stone may have worked as Voldey bait in our time, but he doesn't really need it now."

"Crap. Onto plan B!"

 

...

...

 

"Harry we're just walking through Hogsmede." Draco sighed as he held onto his boyfriend's hand, trailed by the Gryffindors and Sev who followed at a respectable distance… not wanting to be associated with  _The Crazy Ones_.

"He has a way of popping up when I'm having a nice time!" Harry defended his carefully crafted plan.

Draco sighed and held Harry's hand tighter, "Lets just enjoy our date, but next time I'm doing the planning. "

 

...

...

 

The motley group sat around a table in the Room of Requirement.

"We're going to have to get serious arne't we?"

"I'm here already." Sirius objected with a smile

"….Now that we've gotten the obligatory pun out of the way, yes." Harry answered, his face hardened as he looked at the table's surface.

When the rest of the group looked to Draco for an answer they found his face equally battle hardened as he drew shapes in the non-existent dust. The rest of the group felt the atmosphere change, maybe the boys' insanity was a good thing because their seriousness was truly frightening.

"You're really going to have to kill him this time Harry." Draco murmured quietly

"I know, Draco. Do you have a way back into our timeline?" Harry asked his eyes burning with determination

"Yes."

"And not into some other timeline where we're still mortal enemies and I marry that red-haired harpy?" Harry pressed

"Is there even such a god forsaken place?" Draco drawled distractedly

"Probably. So can you do it?"

"Yes. But first we're going to give these kids a chance at a normal life right?"

"And their kids as well. I don't want them growing up like we did" Harry grasped Draco's hand tightly

"How did you grow up Harry?" Lily asked her friend, son, whatever.

Harry turned to her, his eyes once again very old, and very powerful. "Are you sure you want to know?" He asked directly

"Yes." Her voice didn't shake, a fact she was proud of.

"I got shipped off to Petunia's, her husband and son beat the crap out of me and I lived in a cupboard for the first 11 years of my life. I want whatever kids you might have to have a better life than that. I'm sure you would be a good mother." Harry patted her shoulder

"Oh Harry!" Lilly started to cry

He patted her shoulder again a little lost about what to do with a crying woman (one that wasn't trying to kill him), "No worries, it's in the past for me, and not in the future if I can avoid it for you."

Lily sniffled "Well I want to thank you for getting me together with James in any case."

"And helping Remus and me." Sirus said

"Remus and I." Remus tiredly corrected with a tender look

"….Potter, this is what you've been doing in the past,  _matchmaking_?" Draco demanded shocked

"Pretty much. Oh and befriending Sev. That too. I can never repay the bastard in our time now that he's dead. I may as well make this Snape's life suck less."

"You've been driving the poor boy completely mental haven't you?"

Snape just began to whack his head against the table in a most undignified fashion, he was friends, true friends with a lunatic. He began hitting his head against the table once more.

"Pretty much." Harry grinned


	4. Resounding Crash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters thereof. I make no money from this story.

 

The hall erupted into cheers after the epic defeat of Voledmort. The remaining Death Eaters were rounded up quickly so disheartened they were by the loss of their Lord. Families embraced, lovers ran to their partners. Harry and Draco held onto each other fast, their lips met passionately, fueled by love, passion, danger, and above all relief.

THUD THUD

"POTTER I'M GOING TO BLOODY KILL YOU!"

"STUFF IT MALFOY, I didn't send us here, that was your precious Lord."

Harry and Draco looked at their doppelganger who had just crashed through the roof of the Great Hall. The doppelganger looked around and saw themselves standing holding each other. The only difference was the doppelganger of Draco was wearing a Death Eater's robes. Both were equally dirty from battle.

**(AN: The insane Harry and Draco you've come to know and love will keep their names, the from-the-real-book-reality doppelgangers will be called Potter and Malfoy…..yes I know it's confusing and yes, I HAVE been told I'm crazy.)**

"It makes me nostalgic." Harry laughed holding closer to Draco.

"Love, only you could find that romantic." Draco rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

"POTTER! What the hell is this?" the young Death Eater roared looking at himself wrapped around the image of his nemesis.

Potter blushed "I… I have no idea Malfoy."

Draco grinned as he saw that familiar blush on his lover's doppelganger, he slashed his eyes toward his beloved, he had a question in his eyes.

Harry responded with a mischievous grin. "Now listen alternate-universe me. We just killed Tommy-boy so no worries yea? The year is 1978 , so you get a chance to get to know James and Lily. Take the time here to relax, I told Lily the incantation to get you back home so you're not stuck here forever. Use the chance to get to know your Malfoy."

Potter looked over his twin "….Are you crazy?"

"YES!" The whole hall answered

Harry grinned as if he had gotten a large compliment.

"Oh god, I turned into a Death Eater!" Draco groaned as he got a better look at his doppelganger.

"I'm proud to serve the Dark Lord." Malfoy sneered at the other blonde

"No you're not." Draco looked amused "You're scared, you don't want your mum to die, and you're afraid of your father." Draco's face turned deadly serious "If you don't ever stand up to him he'll never stop hurting you. You've faced death, face him."

Potter looked at Malfoy with wide eyes, as Malfoy blushed deeply glaring all the time at this 'Draco' who just had to announce that fact to the world.

"Same goes to you about the Dursleys." Harry said to Potter, his eyes old and commanding.

Potter gulped and looked at the floor, it was Malfoy's turn to examine Potter.

While the newcomers were distracted Harry and Draco turned to the Maruders + Lily and Severus. "It was so nice to get to know you." Harry smiled at them brightly

"Same here Westover." James grinned

"Harry dear, I'll miss you." Lily lay a hand on his arm "You're leaving now right?"

Harry nodded sadly "We can't stay here forever, there's a mess in our world we have to clean up. Plus you'll have your hands full with those two." He gestured over his shoulder to the two boys.

"Take care of each other." Remus said quietly

"And raise a merry hell while you do." Sirius grinned

"As if that could be avoided." Draco smirked

"Go pester someone else." Snape grumbled

"I'll miss you too Sev." Harry grinned then frowned "I feel like I'm forgetting something…." Harry trailed off and his eyes landed on Wormtail. He walked up to the boy with a grin, with his grin still in place he punched him in the cheek. "If you ever betray your friends I'll be back."

Harry looked over his shoulder to see Draco smiling slightly "Ready to go love?"

Harry winked at him and walked over to Malfoy who was looking like the floor fell out from under him, Draco did the same to the new Potter. They both leaned in and whispered, "Tell him how you feel." They added a kiss on the cheek just to make things interesting before walking away.

"Oh and when you tell Ginny, duck!"

Harry and Draco held hands and murmured the incantation vanishing in a gust of mist. Back to whatever insane universe they had come from.

 

...

...

 

The Great Hall looked on as the show continued to play out, the Crazy Ones were gone. Again Harry made an  _Impact_. They had to wonder what would happen next.

"Another Harry." Lucius said with wide eyes "How glorious."

Without realizing it Malfoy stepped in front of Potter to block his father's view, he had a fierce glare on his face.

James laughed, "Well at least that hasn't changed." He walked over to his new future son "Well I hope you're not as crazy as Westover, he had me reconsidering reproducing. Ever. I'm James Potter, nice to meet you." He held out a hand

Potter took it mutely

 

...

...

 

One Week Later:

"Harry! Go out with me!" Lucius had devolved into Desperate.

"No!" Potter took out his wand but Malfoy Jr. got there first. "Stupefy!"

"Thanks Malfoy." Potter said softly

Malfoy blushed lightly "Whatever, Potter." He started to walk away but was stopped by a hand gripping his arm firmly

Potter took a deep breath and took the biggest risk in his life, at least it felt that way. "Why do you think I saved you from the fire?"

Malfoy looked at him squarely and took an equal risk "The same reason I saved you back at the Manor?"

They looked at each other cautiously but Potter's hand slid down Malfoy's arm until their hands clasped lightly.

 

...

...

 

One month later:

"We have to go back." Potter said sadly

"We know." The Maruders + 2 answered

"Maybe this time we'll get a quiet life." Malfoy said with a hint of hope

"I'd like that." Potter smiled at Malfoy and kissed him lightly

"Goodbye, I'll never forget you." They vanished in a gust of mist back to their story-worthy world.


	5. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character thereof. I make no money from writing this.

Back to reality for the 'real' Potter and Malfoy:

 

"Harry where have you been?" Ginny shrieked and grabbed Harry in a suffocating hug

"In another world, Ginny, but I need to talk to you." He said quickly as he felt his new boyfriend trying to slaughter Ginny with his eyes.

Ginny stepped back with a knowing grin, he was about to propose, he missed her so much. She just knew it!

"I'm gay, and dating Malfoy." Harry said bracing himself, he saw Ginny reaching for a vase and remembered his doppelganger's remarks "Duck"

He did.

The vase flew through the air before shattering against the wall. Ginny stormed away tears in her eyes.

"Well, that went well." Malfoy drawled helping Potter off the floor.

"Are you ready for this?" Potter asked looking at Malfoy squarely

"Ready for what, prat?"

"Ready for life together, berk."

Malfoy smiled and caressed Potter's face lightly "I can't wait."

 

...

...

 

In the bizarre reality for My Harry and Draco:

 

 

"Do you think they made it alright?" Harry asked Draco lightly

Draco dodged a spell aimed at his head "I'm sure they're fine love. We managed alright."

Harry was locked body to body with the enemy his sword glinted in the light "True enough Draco."

"Can we talk about this some other time love?" Draco panted

"No time like the present!" Harry caroled happily as he dispatched his opponent

"Crazy, still crazy."

"Ah but you love me."

"That I do, that I do."

 

...

...

1981 James and Lily Universe:

 

A sleep deprived James ran after his son as the little demon crawled swiftly across the floor.

"Remind me why we had a kid?" James panted at his wife, who was taking her hour break while James was on Harry-Duty.

Lily rose and swiftly picked up baby Harry with a practiced ease. She smiled at her husband, "Because we are going to give our son a story that ends with 'Happily ever after'"


End file.
